The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. ----Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL - (not far from a major medical school)

Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. ----Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

If you can piss this high, join the fire department. ----On the wall in the men's restroom at a height of 6 feet. O'Ryan's Irish Pub. Ashland, Oregon.

Beauty is only a light switch away. ----Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina.

I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards. ----Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. ----Armand's Pizza. Washington, D.C.

Remember, it's not, 'How high are you?' it's 'Hi, how are you?' ----Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust? ----The Irish Times. Washington, D.C.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ----The Bayou, Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

No matter how good she looks, just remember: some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. ----Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

To do is to be. - Descartes To be is to do. - Voltaire Do be do be do. - Frank Sinatra ----Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats. Scottsdale, Arizona.

At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry. ----Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. ----Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona.

Make love, not war. - Hell, do both, get married! ----Women's restroom, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana.

God is dead. - Nietzsche Nietzsche is dead. - God ----The Tombs Restaurant. Washington, D.C.

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. ----Revolution Books. New York, New York.

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. ----Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.

JESUS SAVES! But wouldn't it be better if he had invested? ----Men's restroom, American University. Washington, D.C.

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress! ----Men's restroom, House of Representatives. Washington, D.C.