The following are purportedly a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (that is, Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

1. Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?

What for? He can't see my license plate.

2. Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?

The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

3. What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?

Always wear a condom.

4. When driving through fog, what should you use?

Your car.

5. What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?

I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

6. What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?

I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

7. What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?

Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

8. What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?

The color.

9. How do you deal with heavy traffic?

Heavy psychedelics.

10. What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?

Carry loaded weapons.