1. Thou shalt always fool around on your girlfriend (that way when she dumps you you can always get the last laugh).

2. Thou shalt not hose thy girlfriends friends unless you're sure you can get away with it AND you do it in her bed.

3. Thou shalt never spend more than $100 without first getting in her pants.

4. Thou shalt never marry the first girl you hose after getting out of a "slump"

5. Thou shalt never admit to being in a slump, it is always a "lull."

6. Thou shalt always have beer in the fridge.

7. Thou shalt always blow off your girlfriend at least once a month to get drunk with your buddies.

8. Thous shalt always forget to call when performing the previous commandment.

9. Thou shalt never admit to "hogging," it is always "a temporary alcohol induced standards derating."

10. Thous shalt never go on a blind date with someone described as having "a good personality."

11. Thou shalt never turn down steady pussy until it violates number four or number ten.

12. Thou shalt never eat anything high in fiber or low in cholesterol.

13. Thou shalt never drink non-alcoholic beer.

14. Thou shalt never covet thy neighbor's wife unless she covets back.

15. Thou shalt always leave the seat up.