A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before
closing time, sat at the bar and ordered,

"Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martoutsy."

The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks in
one gulp.

"Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy",

Again the bartender brought her a Martini. By this time
the lady is leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang
on. She called,

"Barbender, your Martoutsys are giving me heartburn."

Patiently, the bartender came near her and said,

"Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what
you have been drinking is not a Martoutsy, but a Martini,
and finally, you do not have heartburn, your breasts are
hanging in the ashtray."